As painful as this realization may be, it is absolutely true. Wherever we are in our lives and whatever we are doing, it is because we have put ourselves there. It is our choices and decisions (either conscious or not) that have brought together circumstances resulting in our current reality. If we want to change our reality, then we must begin to make different choices.
It's an easy thing to say, but much more difficult to actually accomplish. Why?
The fact of the matter is that most of the choices we make are not actually choices at all, but are based upon conditioned responses! The vast majority of people (estimates range as high as 95%) do not actually choose their responses; they simply react to outside stimuli. For absolute proof of this, simply take a drive in a large urban area and watch for the incidents of road rage! "Flipping the bird" at another driver is nothing more than a conditioned response - and is a sure sign that the driver is not self-aware.
The old adage that "we are a product of our environment" is undoubtedly based in fact - as our parents, teachers, clergy and other role models acted, thus do we act. Children learn from observing the actions of their role models, rendering the expression "do as I say, not as I do" totally irrelevant. It is this principle that explains, among other things, why children of abusive parents often become abusers themselves.
So how does one break the cycle of stimulus / reaction? First, by recognizing that we, as individuals, are the problem: only through taking responsibility for our actions can we come to the crossroads and begin to take charge of our lives. Once we have made this leap, then the answer is easy (although not necessarily easy to accomplish), and can be summed up in one simple word - THINK!
Science shows us that there is a gap of approximately .25 seconds between stimulus and response. Before reacting to something, it is essential that we take that fraction of a second to stop and think about what we are seeing, how we are feeling and what an appropriate response would be. Then and only then, are we in a position to make a true choice with our response. In almost all cases, a chosen response will be different from a reactive response.
In this way we make choices that are congruent with our own values and principles and without a doubt, over time, the results will be extraordinary! We begin to feel in control, good things begin to happen and we assume the role of masters of our destiny. We feel better about ourselves and unlock the potential to manifest all of the things that we truly want in our lives. It is at this point that we invoke Universal Law and all of our hopes and dreams become possible!
So stop playing the victim and complaining about how difficult things are. Quit blaming others for everything that is wrong in life - bosses, parents, siblings and, yes, even lousy drivers among others, make easy targets - but they are not the problem! Take charge of your feelings, responses and thinking and most of all accept responsibility for your life.
No one is coming to save you - only you can improve your lot in life; accepting responsibility and making different choices are the first steps!
Tony Davies is an expert in the areas of Leadership and Personal Development and in integrating these two, seemingly different, disciplines. He is successful at this as the result of personal experience - a solid business background combined with a passion, and gift, for personal development and helping others.
http://www.momentumbusiness.ca
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